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Last Updated: Monday, 06-May-2013 11:05:32 MDT

Monster Chili (AKA The Chili of Life)

Ah yes. My famous chili. Here for you to enjoy. Years of practice. Many more years before perfection. What makes Monster Chili monstrous? Monster Chili contains 42 ingredients! Each carefully analyzed and selected. Each with a specific role and a complimentary role. At one time Monster Chili reached 55 ingredients, but was scaled back to 42, thus, creating the other name for Monster Chili, The Chili of Life. The Chili of Life gets it inspiration from the Douglas Adams' trilogy of "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" books that take a humorous and very strange look at the future (complete with super intelligent shades of the color blue, artificial intelligent elevators that develop a fear of heights and require counseling, and Volgon poetry that is so bad most people die from internal bleeding). One of the books describes the largest computer in the universe, created, much to the protest of philosophers everywhere, to calculate the meaning of life. After 1 million years of calculations and computations, the computer produced the answer to the question, "what is the meaning of life?" The computer's answer was 42. 

Ingredients:
cubed chicken
cubed turkey
beef (lean ground beef or chopped steak)
hot sausage
cubed ham
pepperoni
baby shrimp

drained dark red kidney beans
drained light red kidney beans
drained navy beans
drained butter beans
drained garbanzo beans
drained white beans
drained pinto beans

diced green bell pepper
diced yellow bell pepper
diced red bell pepper
diced chili pepper
diced jalapeno pepper
diced habanera pepper
diced pablano pepper

diced red onion
diced white onion
diced mushroom
diced portabella mushroom
rice
olives
minced garlic cloves

canned or diced tomatoes
tomato paste
tomato juice
diced celery
bay leaves
water
chili powder

cumin
salt
pepper
Tabasco sauce
cayenne pepper
paprika
oregano

I've never measured Monster Chili ingredients. Use your best judgment. Just wing it. Its more exciting that way. The ratio I try to achieve is 1/4 meat, 1/4 beans, 1/4 peppers, 1/4 everything else.

Brown chicken, turkey, beef, and sausage separately. Drain grease. Add chicken, turkey, beef, sausage, ham to the pot. Who am I kidding? There is no science to Monster Chili. Just add EVERYTHING the pot. Simmer for a couple of hours. The biggest problem I have is burning the chili. Because there are 42 ingredients, you end up with A LOT of chili. Too much for the 10 qt. pot. To avoid burning, I remove 1/3 of the chili from the pot after all ingredients are thoroughly mixed. The third of chili removed is either placed into a 2nd pot or into a container for freezing.

You can optionally garnish the chili with crackers, sour cream, and shredded cheese of your choice.

Cincinnati Chili

Cincinnati Chili is a Greek dish that is more of a spaghetti sauce than a stew. Traditionally, Cincinnati Chili is served over spaghetti (two way) and optionally topped with beans, onions, and cheddar cheese (five way). I like beans, so I just put the beans into the sauce instead of as a garnish.

Ingredients:
2 lbs. lean ground beef
1 can dark red kidney beans
2 medium onions
2 minced garlic cloves
1 quart of water
1 16 oz. can of tomatoes
1/2 oz. unsweetened chocolate
1 1/2 tsp. of vinegar
1 tsp. Worcestershire
1 Tbsp. chili powder
2 tsp. ground cumin
1 1/2 tsp. ground allspice
1 1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. cayenne pepper
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. turmeric
1/2 tsp. coriander
1/2 tsp. cardamom
2 bay leaves
18 oz. spaghetti

Brown the beef with salt, onions, and garlic. Drain the fat. Add the rest of the ingredients and simmer for 3 hours. Server over spaghetti. 

Optionally garnish with additional kidney beans, chopped onions, or shredded cheese of your choice.

White Chili

Ingredients:
2 lbs. cubed chicken breasts
3 cans (16 fluid ounces each) of chicken broth
1 lb. dry white beans
2 medium onions, chopped
6 minced garlic cloves
4 green chilies, diced
1 tsp. chicken stock base
1 Tbsp. olive oil
2 tsp. ground cumin
1 tsp. cayenne pepper
2 bay leaves
1 cup sour cream
3 cups shredded Monterey Jack Cheese

Simmer beans, broth, and chicken stock in a large pot for two hours. Cook and dice chicken breasts in olive oil. Sauté onions in olive oil. Add chicken, onions, garlic, chilies, and spices to the pot. Simmer for 30 minutes. Add sour cream and cheese. Simmer until cheese melts.

Optionally garnish with additional sour cream, green onions, or chopped tomatoes.

Green Pork Chili

Ingredients:
8 large pork chops, cubed
3 cups of green chilies
1 large onion, diced
1 16 oz. can of tomatoes
2 quarts of water
1/2 cup flour
1 tsp. marjoram
1/2 tsp. ground cumin
1 1/2 tsp. garlic salt
1 tsp. salt
pepper to taste

Brown cubed pork chops in a large pot. Drain fat. Add chilies, onions, flour, and spices. Brown a little. Add water and tomatoes. Simmer for 1 - 1 1/2 hours until meat is tender and broth thickens.