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Test #1

Test #2

Test #3

Test #4

Test #5

Final Score

Gummi Bear

The Gummi Bear is ready for the test.


Intelligently, the Gummi Bear analyzes the situation.


The Gummi Bear determines the best action is to change its form to avoid digestion.


Our guess is, once passed through the digestive track, the Gummi Bear is able to re-assimilate itself into its original form. However, there are currently no plans to research this theory.

SCORE: 3

Chocolate Bunny

The Chocolate Bunny thinks it's time for a bath.


Slowly, the Chocolate Bunny begins to turn completely black.


The Chocolate Bunny is proving most resilient in this test. Regardless, the Chocolate Bunny is slowly digested. 


The Chocolate Bunny's body slips deeper and deeper into the digestive mixture.

SCORE: 2

Marshmallow Chick

The Marshmallow Chick says to its self, "Hey, I'm not a duck."


Almost instantly, the Marshmallow Chick starts to discolor. Look into its eyes. The eyes seem to be looking right at you saying, "Why?" or "Please help me." or even possibly, "Why did I invest in E-Fax?"


The digestive system quickly begins working on the Marshmallow Chick.


Soon, the Marshmallow Chick is reduced to a bubbling heap of goo.

SCORE: 1

Control Subject

This is scary! The Control Subject cannot be digested by earthly means! I've said it before and this re-enforces the theory stating the Control Subject is an alien devised plot to rule earth. Not convinced? Lets look at some supporting evidence. First take the length of the control subject and multiply by the derivative of the Control Subject's psychological analysis converted to numerical form. Next, using hyperbolic algebra, plot the Control Subject's weight against the inverse of the Heimlich density ratio. Add these two numbers together then divide by 10 (the Control Subject is usually found in groups of 10). The calculated value is 17,351! Don't you see! This is a serial number used by Excel and other popular software tools to represent dates (sometimes referred to as the Julian date). 17,351 is the serial number for July 3rd, 1947. That's right, the exact date of the Roswell Alien incident in New Mexico. Coincidence? 17,351 is also the number of unknown substances found in the Control Subject's composition. Also consider that the Control Subject did not appear in its current form until shortly after the Roswell incident. Prior to 1947, the Control Subject consisted of easily identifiable meat products. I rest my case.

SCORE: 0